Have you ever been to a restaurant and looked at the menu where something just popped off the page? That meal where you were waiting with great anticipation for what it would be like. Then it comes, the aroma is making your mouth salivate and it looks even better than you had expected. The first bite confirms that the richness and creaminess you desired were all wrapped up in this incredible meal. You are enjoying the conversation and with each bite you get to experience, your meal is coming to an end and you get up to use the restroom quickly. As you come back to the table your last bites are GONE – the waitress has taken your plate and you did not get to finish. You still had more to savor.
For me this is being a mom – I anticipated what having kids would be like, I could picture what it would feel like and started my adventure with great excitement. I love people and love them deeply. When Ashley was born I knew she was super special, do you know how I knew? Because God made her, period. God created her spunk, giggle, determination, sass, joy, and deep love. So I had a big job to do – help this little person see all the beauty that God had placed inside of her.
Her spunk would be woven into the need to have the last word – always, even when she was itty bitty. This would be a blessing and a hindrance we had to navigate together.
My favorite memory of her spunk is a the MN State Fair when she was about 4. She was as cute as a bug with her outfit on, fancy socks, bright white tennies, and a HUGE “Ashley Bow” on the top of her head. She wanted to do something and was told no, well that did not go over well with Ashley so with all of her spunk she just stopped right there on the street, sat down on the curb and in all of her cuteness had a pouting moment. As she was trying to make a point, I was too distracted by the cuteness of what she was doing that I had to capture the moment. Oh Ashley, how adorable you were.
Her giggle, there was something about Ashley’s giggle that made others giggle. Now Ashley's giggle was more of a mischievous giggle so you knew when heard that giggle, be on guard.
She was known to throw snowballs over shower curtains with her family and friends – the giggle was the best part of it! She worked on her determination skills from an extremely young age, one of her favorite phrases was “I can do it myself” and let me tell you, she did. Ashley had this way of achieving what she put her mind to and did with great success. When she told you she was going to do something, there was no doubt that it would get accomplished.
Her sass is deeply missed because she was so kind to the core that you knew when she razzed you and her sass came out it was always wrapped in a deep love for you. She had sass in her style, in her speech, and in her love for people. All of these things together brought great JOY to those around her. Ashley knew from a very young age that Christ was her foundation and source of her joy. She loved Jesus and whatever the world threw at her she would always find the silver lining, and way back to joy, albeit hard. With all of these great qualities that formed her to who she was the greatest of all was her deep love. Ashley was the biggest cheerleader, and encourager, got to bat for you, was the protector of her siblings, and had profound love for her family.
I got a front-row seat – I got to see and taste and smell all of the beautiful qualities God placed into this amazing girl. She was beginning to blossom, seeing the fruit of her labor of love in Loving God and others well. She was a beacon of light for myself and for those around her. The love of Christ oozed out of her. I was the luckiest mom ever, and then in a blink, my plate was taken away. No, I wasn’t done…I still had more to share with her. More to watch as she bloomed more and more. I had more giggles to share, adventures to go on and life to live. We weren’t done, so I am sad…so sad. So very sad that my amazing daughter, buddy, and best friend are gone. I am sad that my work came to an abrupt end. Sad that I don’t get to see her mini-me’s. Sad that I don’t get to see who she would have chosen to do life with. Sad that she would not get to see Grandma’s cottage – she would have been over the moon excited. Just sad, so very sad…I wasn’t done.
So what do we do when things are taken away from us too soon? Well, I can only give you a glimpse into my life. I feel the feels, cry over my loss, over the loss to those around me, and then I choose to rejoice in the moments I did get to experience and have with this beautiful soul. Ashley Kate Embree was simply the most special bundle of JOY in my life and will be forever more.
Ashley, you will forever and ever have my heart – I will work so hard to be determined to
find the JOY and to love deep and you would want me to. I miss you every single day,
I love all you share, Katie. Your incredible faith shines through your love stories.