Christmas is filled with the JOYS of traditions, the anticipation of family and loved ones gathering around and filling the days with giggles and glee. Kicking off the season by writing a letter to capture all the good this past year was filled with and recalling the JOY of blessings. Finding the perfect tree to decorate in a home where elf hats were worn and shenanigans abound. Deco day would start with stringing lights, hanging ornaments from Christmas past, and pausing to tell "remember when's". Setting up the manger scene and recalling which ones were bought in what year. Kids bickering about the details and being sure to get the story right. Flour fights before the start of Lefsa making and filling the house with laughter. As the decorations are in place and we all felt a job well done, it was time to order pizza and snuggle around the tree. The twinkle of the lights and the aroma of pizza was the sure sign that it was time for "The Embree Story". You see each year the kids insisted that mom read our Christmas letters in order dating back to our first year of marriage in 1998. A reflection of our family, how we formed, grew and loved deeply from year to year.
Christmas Traditions - beautiful and priceless times to bond and love with great JOY. Things to look forward to and find peace in a chaotic season filled with hustle and bustle. But what happens when all of those traditions of JOY are no longer able to be shared with the very people that made them so joyful? Where do we go - what do we do - how do we navigate through? Do we bury our heads, revert inward and wait for the season to pass? Each person that has suffered loss will answer this differently, but for me, here is what I am experiencing during this time. God's provisions, over and over. This does not mean it is easy, there are moments of sheer mourning for my girls. But, I do want to share with you what I am choosing to see this Christmas season we find ourselves in.
Decorating my home - I am not ready to open the boxes and go through all the handmade ornaments the kids have made over the years, the trinkets purchased that remind us of family, or the decorations that we placed in special spots - too hard. But what can we place in our home to feel the Christmas spirit? A tree and a few simple decorations so that the twinkle of the season still fills my home.
2022 Christmas letter - one of the hardest letters I have ever written, but I am confident it is part of my mourning journey. Our family story. We will not gather around the tree eating pizza to read this year's letter or read any of the previous letters dating back to year one - too hard.
The manger scene will stay boxed this year as that was Sarae's job on deco day. She would arrange them with great detail and would be so proud to show us her scene creation. Check out the thumbs up below...oh how that is missed. We will hold off this year - too hard.
The family ornaments displayed on the wall will not be unwrapped as this was Ashely's job on deco day. She would carefully take each ornament and hang them in order. Another bonding experience to mark the joy as our family grew. Check out how proudly she showed off her ornament placements, she deeply loved the family...oh how that is missed. We will hold off this year - too hard.
Christmas stockings were hung by the chimney with care...do we put out one for Carter or one for each of the kids, the stockings were such a huge part of our traditions. Each year we would document how big the kids are with a photo of them standing next to their giant stockings. I chose to hang all three - so hard. These are all things that I simply took for granted - they were not To Do's but rather things filled with JOY.
Now I am choosing to see the blessings of slight adjustments:
Making Lefsa - when a young adult tells me she loves lefsa and asks me to teach her how to make it. We spend the afternoon learning, laughing, and creating NEW memories.
God's provision = great joy.
Playing a silly turkey game at the Thanksgiving dinner table; bringing much laughter to all those present and creating NEW memories.
God's provision = great joy.
Evening shopping in Nisswa (a beautiful Christmas town, just like the Hallmark movies) with young adults and watching as they bop arm in arm down Main Street. Watching love grow and creating NEW memories.
God's provision = great joy.
A friend stopping by to deliver a handmade quilt with layers of detail of my girls, my love for lilacs, and gold seams that represent God's mending of my broken pieces. Capturing beautiful and honoring memories.
God's provision = great joy.
A card table filled with playing cards all a muck as we try to shuffle five decks of cards at one time, laughter and sparing through the process creating NEW memories.
God's provision = great joy.
Each day I have to focus on God's provisions, where He continues to fill me with Joy...when I choose to see it. So this Christmas season, where we are expected to be "Merry" I can be. I can choose to see the beauty through twinkling lights - friends - laughter - NEW memories and the unseen promises yet to come. These blessings are NOT what I had planned. NOT how I envisioned or how I wanted this season to be...without my girls. But I will honor them by choosing to be "Merry" for there is still the promise of God's greatest gift-Jesus.
My girls are there - experiencing all that we can only imagine. One day they will run to me and show me all around their NEW Christmas deco - the twinkling lights and the ultimate JOY they are experiencing.
Until then I will choose to see the "Merry" in each Christmas.
LOVE DEEP and spread JOY
Comments