Sometimes on this journey of loss I am able to move on with daily activities and work towards my new normal. Other times I am simply not ready.
This past week my sweet husband cleaned out my car for me. As his gesture was pure and out of love, all my mind could focus on was the green basket in my kitchen. This basket was NOT supposed to be in my kitchen, this basket is to stay in my car...like forever. I was deeply hurt that this basket was removed, I felt like another piece of me was being ripped away. What was so special about this basket you ask. From your perspective it was a cheap green basket from the local dollar store. Filled with green items that are basically trash, left over party supplies. If you were the one cleaning out my car this would appear as something to remove as well. However, from my perspective this was my girls, the very last party we had together, the last silly road trip basket filled with all the goofy things to make our trip a lifetime memory. This was the last box of fun I will ever buy my girls, the last car ride of sheer joy I will share with my girls, the last pipelceaner game we will play, the last car karaoke song complete with a carnation microphone. For ME this basket represents the deep LOVE and sheer JOY I got to have with my girls.
On March 16, 2022 we drove to the Twin Cities and spent the night at Ashley’s apartment. A slumber party at your daughter’s house – what a treasure. It was complete with Punch pizza (a must when you would visit Ashley), and staying up late chatting. The next morning, I snuck down to the car before everyone else and decorated the car for our Girls trip to Illinois. You see road trips for our family were a silly time – how do you keep kids busy when on the road? Well we made “Roundtrip bags” every hour the kids would open a bag and get to play with or eat the surprise inside. Our kids loved this so much that we never stopped, so at 16 and 22 years old we were set with Roundtrip bags in tow. This roundtrip happened to fall on St. Patrick’s Day (not having an ounce of Irish, but a 100% celebration heritage) we would deck out the car with all things green!! The girls BEAMED when we loaded the car and began our journey south. One of the bags had green and gold pipe cleaners in the bag, that’s it. The game was to create something out of the pipe cleaners and model your creation. Well done ladies, well done!
Another of the bags had a couple of carnations in the bag, the game was to choose a song and sing karaoke…as a group. This now has become one of my most prized positions I have with my girls. This is us, raw and real. We don’t know all the words and we cannot sing…BUT we know how to enjoy each other and let loose and be silly. I still can’t watch this video without tears streaming down my face. Oh how I would give anything to have those girls back. I want to be silly, I want to laugh, I want to sing off key, I want to make pipe cleaner glasses, I want to write them notes and tell them how very cherished they are. So today, I sit in the room of peace that we created in our home as the rain lightly falls outside and the tears pour out. I love them forever and ever, I miss them and I cling to the mercies that God provides us on all the ups and downs.
So some things I simply cannot part with – just yet, or ever. This green basket has made its way back to my car. Because for me a little green basket means the world. Please, take the time to make silly baskets, write the notes, sing the songs, take pictures, make videos. Everyday we are investing…please focus on the right investments, because nothing else matters.
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