What if's...

A song can have so many points of interest for me, perhaps it is a catchy beat, the words move me, it makes me smile or ponder. There is a song by Matthew West called "What if" and when it was released earlier this year it was a fun and upbeat tune with a great message. On a trip to Nashville Tennessee we were able to go the The Grand Old Opry and to my great surprise Matthew West was there for the ONE and only night we were in town...what a treat!! He ended with this song and I was in my glory just bebopping along. "I want to know I've got no what if's..." My take on this song is a fun reminder to live everyday focused on Christ - love deep and know that you have no what if's in the end.

Well this song came across my speakers today and it punched a completely different meaning. As the words came came pouring out my eyes began to well with tears as I am in a completely different phase of life. I am now looking back on my role in parenting my two daughters - a role that I adored and was able to do for 22 and 13 years of their lives. My girls lived in a home that was full of love - love for each other and love for Christ. We did all the things; they each had their own special diddy that was unique to them that we sang everyday of their short lives. They learned of the deep love of our God and we wrestled through tough questions of faith. We sang songs and danced in the living room. We went on road trips, complete with hourly activity bags to open along the way and would even decorate the car. We played hours and hours of cards around the kitchen table. We laughed together and cried together. We went to coffee shops and ordered way too many appitizers at dinner out. We sat in the hot tub for hours on end debating current events and deep theological topics. We watched chick flicks and would have movie marathons on rainy days. We made food together and loved us a good charcuterie board. We would read books floating on the pontoon for hours and hours soaking up the sun. We joked around and loved a good laugh together. We encouraged one another in whatever the event or project was. We shopped together and just enjoyed being out and seeing all the new things. We were never afraid to ask the hard questions or share our tough days. We vacationed and stopped to smell the roses along the way. We invested in each others lives - we LOVED DEEP.

So when I now hear the song with tears in my eyes, and tiny sobs along the way. I can sing along that as a mother of two beautiful girls gone way too soon - I have NO WHAT IF's. I loved deep, I invested into those amazing girls and I gave my all to being the mom that God intended for me to be with them both. They are beautiful girls made in God's image, they are His and God gave me the most amazing privilege of mothering them for 22 and 13 wonderful years. No what if's. I did it to the very best of my ability and for that I am eternally grateful.

Seeing beauty in the ashes - I began this blog as a creative outlet, but God had a different plan for me. I will share with you my journey of navigating this process as a Child of God. There will be more to come, more stories to share, more love, more laughter, more tears and more Joy.

There are no words - so here is where my soul will scribble. I am Katie: full of JOY, lover of Jesus and people. There can be joy in the journey, it is a choice that we must make each and everyday. So today I find joy in sharing the beautiful memories and the song that is a reminder to live each day for Christ - no what if's.

Love Deep my friends - life is short.